Frontpaging a Comment

It’s stuff like this that makes tending this blog all worthwhile.  God is changing the hearts of His men to bring others to Him.  I have waited a very long time to see a heart exemplified in the comment below.  I post it here for the gay men who visit this website…to tell you that you are loved, you are welcome, and that things are changing.  Slowly, sure, but they are.  And we need you as part of the process.

Welcome Beezner.  I hope you stay around a while and share more of yourself here.  We need you:

From the “Made as Wild Men” post:

I am not gay. I am a married father of three. I love my family with all my heart. I became a Christian when I was 6 years old. I was raised in the church, had relatives that were ministers, my wife’s family were ministers, and eventually (years ago now) I was a licensed youth pastor myself. However, I must admit that for many years of my life, I was decidely Un-Christian-like in my attitude towards anyone who claimed the GLBT “lifestyle.” The problem was that I didn’t actually know anyone who gay.

Once I decided to stop and actually look at the world through their eyes, I was horrified…at myself and my own self-righteous prejudices. I could see that “they” were indeed human, just like me. My sins were no different or “better” than theirs. And I also realized that, despite the very vocal exclamations of many people in this world, they didn’t have a “disease” that needed to be “cured.”

I often see the hatred that spews from religious leaders towards homosexuals and, frankly, it makes me nauseous. Especially the likes of people like Fred Phelps of Topeka, Kansas. I’m sorry, but I think he’s a bad man.

Formerlygay, never doubt that you are a man. However, being a “man” is not like having a coat that you can put on and take off again or change. It’s simply who you are. No two men are the same and I don’t think that they are supposed to be. There is no checklist that states all of the requirements one is supposed to meet in order to be a man.

I wish that I could take back all of the pain that people like me and Phelps have put on you in the past. I truly hope that you find what it is that you are looking for. If you don’t, don’t worry. Take comfort in knowing that there are people in this world that understand your journey and sympathize with you. There are people who can/will/do accept you for who you are…without conditions or strings attached. You are NOT sick, diseased, or alone.

Remember, just because someone calls a belief or value “true,” doesn’t mean that it is actually true. There are many people out there that, while most of them mean well, will have some kind of “correct answer” to give you so that you can “recover.” There are many people much wiser than I who will adamantly disagree with what I am telling you. That’s ok. You don’t have to agree or embrace everything that everyone tells you. You need to follow your heart and find your own answers. If God is truly who most people think he is, then don’t you think he’s big enough to handle any questions you throw his way? I think so, too.

You are a very valuable human being. You just don’t know much you are worth.

Be well.

Beezner, my friend, just one thing to add here:  It isn’t that I feel I am not a man.  I am, if not by the gender assigned by God, then by sheer societal privilege.  Male, 46, therefore a man just as much as another.

But those feelings of being an outsider, not being quite “right” are often the first signs in a boy of impending homosexual attractions.  That feeling of outsider-ness, the “alienation” from other men, is what some consider to be the first step in an inappropriate eroticization of that deep-seated need for masculine affection and attention.

For me (and speaking only for me at this point), part of that recovery, the recovery God is leading me through, comes back to this reality that I am not an outsider, that I am very much a man and a strong one at that.  God has done it through His plan and timing, provided the strength when needed, and continues to do that to this day.  For me, recovery from the gay thing is tied tightly to this search for a strong, biblical masculinity that I still feel I sometimes lack.  The more I study, the more I find.  The more I find, the stronger I become.  That search, that journey, is what I think God means by His desire to “re-father” me.

Clear as mud, I know.  I hope, as I work through it here, it becomes clearer in time.

Thanks again.  I’m glad to know God’s changing the hearts of my straight brothers out there, making it easier for the rest of us to confess and repent.


~ by WriterRand on March 18, 2007.

One Response to “Frontpaging a Comment”

  1. You know, I just got a StatCounter and I realized that I was getting a few hits from people who came from your website. This surprised me, since I didn’t know you even existed, much less linked to me! I’m very happy to have found you, though. You should really comment sometimes at my blog, and if you don’t mind, may I also link to you?

    Beezner’s comment is definitely encouraging, as is your post. Personally, I’ve never viewed my search for strength as something that has anything to do with my sexuality. Every man, gay or straight, has a desire (and a need) for Biblical masculinity. We all lack it. And it has nothing to do with how we sit, or talk, or whether or not we like sports. It’s about being able to trust and be trusted, about being a friend, about being compassionate and strong at the same time, and, in short, about becoming more like Christ.

    We could all use some of that “re-fathering,” I think. I have always been close to my earthly father, to the point that I will probably “come out” to him before my mother or sister, but it is my heavenly Father that will give strength, just as he gives us all strength. My prayers are with you.

    Take care.

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