The Faith of an Empty Hand

The hardest part of this journey is “intimacy withdrawal.”  After having my fill of phoney intimacy — the physical being a substitute for the emotional or spiritual intimacy — it’s sometimes grueling to be alone.  Especially in a world that seems tailor-made for couples.

Tonight’s tougher than most.  I don’t know why.  I do know it’s difficult to face that need when I’ve gotten to the point of alternating between bisexuality and asexuality.  It sounds so pathetic to feel such a strong need without a specific person or even gender in mind.  The only thing worse than the need is knowing that I don’t want to settle for so little.  I’ve done that, trying to fill the void with anything or anyone that I could stuff in there, and it only made the situation worse.  It’s times like this where trusting in God’s plan for me is survival—nothing more, nothing less.

Father God, I don’t know what it is I need tonight, I only know that I need.  I come to you tonight with the faith of an empty hand, needy, waiting.



~ by WriterRand on March 20, 2007.

One Response to “The Faith of an Empty Hand”

  1. I know that pain of loneliness. You are turning to the right source of hope, God Himself! God loves to answer prayers like you prayed and He will more than meet your need. As Jesus said,

    (Matt 7:7) “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! “

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