Dramatic Renewal of Purpose

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately.  Not psychological stuff (save the post I shared earlier this morning), but blogs from men who are struggling mightily with wanting to be a Christian and deal with the issues of same sex attraction.  Nearly all of these guys are wrestling hard with these issues.  These guys are stronger than most straight men I know.   Some of them…it’s like watching someone just open up a wrist and bleed out all the stuff that can’t stay inside anymore.

The funny thing is, I know exactly how they feel.  Exactly.  I became a Christian again and turned away from the gay thing because I couldn’t live that way anymore.  Everything became about anesthetizing the pain instead of being honest and dealing with it.  I trusted God with the pain and with my life’s path because the pain and the hunger kept growing.  The longer I numbed the pain, the worse it got, and the hungrier for love I became.

I don’t know how, don’t know why, but I think this blog is going to end up changing somehow.  I want to bring more of that struggle here.  I want to show you what others are going through.  I want those guys who are fighting the good fight to know they are not alone.  There really IS nothing new under the sun and that others feel the same way they do, have gone through many of the same things they have, and have lived to see better days and to experience some of that love and self-acceptance they seek as a gift from a God that understands them better than they do.

Don’t know how, don’t know when.  But I do know I want to expand this, to make a space for these guys and for others who have questions of struggle.  More of my own struggles and questions.  So less opinion, less pontificating, more life.  That’s a start.

(UPDATE) 10 April 2007, 10:07 p.m.:

MR writes:

BTW, what are some of the blogs you mention in the first paragraph?

I was waiting for Justin’s permission to do some linkage from this site to his and now I have it.  Stop by and encourage the man at:


Others to come as I hear back from them.


~ by WriterRand on April 10, 2007.

2 Responses to “Dramatic Renewal of Purpose”

  1. I’m sure we all have lots of stories from fighting this battle. I look forward to reading about others’ experiences of God helping them, and maybe share some of my own.

    BTW, what are some of the blogs you mention in the first paragraph?

  2. Thank you for being open and honest about what you feel. Reading your blog I feel like I ten more people standing by my side and supporting me to live a life for God. Awesome! I think the blogs help us all to pour out what have been hidden in our hearts and that is what encouraging and keeps us going. I praise God for you as a person and as a brother in Christ!
    Will come back and check out your website! Until then, be strong and couragous in the Lord!

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