Cuddle Parties


Okay, I get the touch deprivation thing.  I’m severely touch-deprived these days.  I know many who are.  Yes, I do think there is a strong connection there with SSA and touch.


Watch this:

What do you think?


~ by WriterRand on August 10, 2007.

4 Responses to “Cuddle Parties”

  1. For some reason I couldn’t watch the link you provided so I watched the same story on Youtube. The first question that came to my mind was, “What if somebody farted?” The second thought I had was, “I hope everyone bathes and uses deodorant!”

    Seriously, the whole situation seems a bit odd in that it seems to be a great deal of non-sexual intimacy amongst people who would be otherwise strangers. They put an advertisement out and people show up. This seems to me like just a different form of people using other people for their felt needs.

    The “free hugs” people on the city sidewalks seem to be doing the same thing. If I hugged or kissed a close friend (or even a fellow Christian I just met) it is an expression of my love for them. But if I hug a stranger, what is that? It seems like an artificial and superficial intimacy.

    While John had his head on Jesus’ breast at the Last Supper and David and Jonathan were covenant brothers (NOT HOMOSEXUALS!) who hugged and kissed they had a close friendship that preceded their closeness.

    But maybe I’m a Westerner with a few hang-ups?

  2. Hello guys, I actually understand the deprivation thing. Last year during the Falling Forward training week (this is a Living Water’s program for sexual addicts), what we did was that: lots of huggings. We had true connection by looking to our eyes and hugging each other. It was soooo amazingly good. And by the way, Rik, 99% of the participants were northern Europeans, so normally very very very cold people. But after a while, each of us discovered the need of connection and the need of healthy touch. I remember the leader telling a story about once he hugged someone of his church and had a “physical reaction”, but the other guy said “that’s ok, I know what’s happening, but that’s ok”. This basically broke all the complexes of the guy, and he could go forward with his healing process.
    During the year I’ve been in contact with some of the guys from that training session, and had good phone and skype contact. However that cannot replace true human contact. Each time they told me about their hug quota meetings …
    This year I could not attend the meeting, and I truly regret it, because I’m also in deprivation, and unfortunately, don’t have ANYONE to accompany me, not even in Church. I believe God will provide 😉

  3. See, I’ve been debating this in my head and both sides of the argument are in a knock-down, drag out fight.

    Part of me says that if someone learns to give himself permission to receive from God gifts that address the true, deepest inner need, then the fears that come from the SSA will lessen in time. I think it’s a paradox to the man or woman dealing with SSA that in being committed to guard against inappropriate sexual behavior or thought, we become a bit homophobic. No, no! Musn’t touch, musn’t think, musn’t…and in the process, we find ourselves unable to explain why we still hurt so badly. In our zeal to remain pure, we guard against the very thing that God may want to use to tame the monster.

    On the other hand, I have a friend who well understands the whole issue of touch depravation. He gives pretty long-lasting hugs and even though I don’t find myself sexually attracted to him, there is a physical reaction sometimes, one that still makes me sometimes react with fear. (Then I get afraid if I’m NOT fearful of the reaction.) Eventually, though, I find myself noticing other physical reactions to the touch — like drastically reduced blood pressure and stress. I feel physically different after a good, long-lasting hug.

    It’s good to hear that these things work and work well within a context of healing. I suspect, too, that there is a large difference between hugging and directly looking into someone’s eyes to make a real connection, and a bunch of adult people in their jammies laying on, around, and over a bunch of similarly dressed adults.

    I think I’m going to try it out for a while, this being unafraid of physical connection. Carefully. Not to freak others, but to see if instead there’s a shared need there that isn’t getting met. I think one of the healthiest signs of recovery is when you understand that you’re not the Lone Ranger out there, that other people suffer and worry and bleed over the same weaknesses you do.

    Thanks for sharing that, Refreshing. (And I love you screen name.)


  4. […] En el blog de Formerly Gay, hay un post sobre abrazos, y una interesante discusión en la que he participado. Cuando hice el programa de Aguas Vivas para […]

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