Things around these parts have, in shades and degrees, changed for the better.

A few weeks ago, MR (who is a transplant from Maryland) told me about a friend of his, Ryan, who was wanting to move out here as well.  MR was in a temporary living situation and while he could house Ryan for a while, he couldn’t do it for any extended period of time.   He had mentioned me, where we’d met (online), and Ryan told him later that God had put me on his heart, for prayer.  So even before meeting, Ryan had been praying for me.

When Ryan came to visit, we decided to give it a couple of weeks as a guest before deciding about moving in for a longer period.  I knew after the first day that we’d be good roommates; we got along fairly well, more anxious that we weren’t crowding the other guy.  As time went on, I think we’re at long last comfortable around each other.  And it’s only been three weeks.

He’s now an official rent-payer here which, in a moment of God-lavished grace, ended up being a financial blessing to me.  Usually these situations are x number of dollars per person in the house, depending on accommodations.  Well, Ryan had the option of sleeping on the floor in the living room or moving all the stuff in the spare bedroom out of the bedroom and into the front room, opening up that bedroom for him.  He actually chose the floor and said he preferred it.  So when it came time to negotiate with the landlord, the landlord was generous and kept arguing to reduce my rent amount by $100!  I kept arguing that I couldn’t do that, because I felt like it was taking away money better spent on the new baby.  (And I kept thinking—who else in America is having this conversation right now?)  Finally, that other voice in my head said dummy, take the offer, he might not offer it again.  So, before anything else, Ryan has been a big financial blessing.

Better:  he has taken the diet and exercise program I was on to harder and better heights.  He’s changed the “cutting diet” so that I’m on cutting diet one week, regular diet the next, back and forth week after week so that the metabolism doesn’t have time to get used to one level of calories.  He’s modified it in such a way that I’m eating more food, not craving carbohydrates, and watching the weight disappear.

Walking has gotten so much better and we’re already seeing significant improvement in endurance, something that we haven’t really seen too much of up until now.  I look forward to our time to work out all week long.

But none of this is why this post is here.

Ryan is 26, sports a crewcut, is 6’3″ and around 180 lbs with beautiful eyes and a handsome face.

Get this.  Ready?

I don’t care.

Not even a little.

There’s not even a little ping! there.  I think it’s that he’s managed to come, be of good help in my life, and yet not do it in such a way as I feel I’m receiving charity.  We’re just guys, for crying out loud, and for the first time in more time than I can remember, I feel normal.  Healthy, even.  In fact, I’ll even stretch it as to go this far — there’s something really familiar starting to rise in my soul that hasn’t been there in a while: real, sustainable joy.

Now Ryan knows the situation in my life and knows of my attractions, and he silently does his part to help without drawing attention to it.  For instance, he doesn’t go around shirtless.  He keeps things on a modest level, and that helps tremendously.  That’s rare, but goes to the verses that speak about situations where things may or may not be a sin, depending on whether it causes another brother to stumble.  He doesn’t complain about any restriction of his rights or freedoms, he does it to help another brother stay strong and not stumble.

So with Ryan’s arrival comes normalicy, healing, and a little financial blessing.  I feel a whole lot more comfortable with my sexuality these days now knowing that I can be in the presence of someone as a roommate and feel nothing physical for them.  Things are definitely looking up these days.  It’s called progress.  I know that this sort of thing does not come about but by prayer, and so if you’ve been praying for me, know that God’s finally answered those prayers, and joyously so.  Thank you for your faithfulness.  It means a lot to me.

Meta notes:  Be prepared for a torrent of content coming soon, sometimes 2 or 3 articles a day.  After having so little to say for the past few weeks, I’ve encountered a lot I want to share.  We’re going to visit some things we talked about in the first part of this blog, tie it into some Mars Hill teaching, and issue…well…a correction.  Stay tuned.  Heads will roll.

~ by WriterRand on October 4, 2007.

2 Responses to “Ryan”

  1. What can I say? Seeing God at work like this makes ME happy, too. It is so fulfilling to see God change you from pain and despair to joy and hope!

    Now, how do we share this with others and see God change them?

  2. Fine and good. But I’m curious how this works itself out over time. We always need same-sex friends. Will you always need a special one-on-one mentor or chaste boyfriend. Not trying to play devil’s advocate, but I’ll be reading, and look forward to any posts. Congratulations on the many transfoming achievements though! Keep up the great work!

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