This Far and No Further

God and I have an arrangement. I am spiritually deaf and dumb, so when He needs to get something across to me, it’s okay to write it in REALLY big letters and not whisper when He wants to say something.

So you have to know it’s shocking to realize that He’s been trying to whisper something to me through nearly every source of input I have in my life — friends, television, scripture, etc. — and I’m not happy with the outcome. It scares me, which I think is a good thing. Things of value sometimes are meant to scare us.

Anyway, this is the thought that’s been expressed so many times in the past month:

You always get involved deep, but only so far. There is a point where you are not willing to travel due to the cost. Your disability makes you afraid of losing what little you have. Fear not. Take more risks and use what has been given to you for His glory and you will have all you need and more, for God is a God of more than enough.

Considering I’ve been in the process of killing a main character for a week now, this came out of left field with a whisper and announced itself so quietly I didn’t hear what was being said right away.

But now that He has my attention, it’s something I need to meditate on.

Because back in my mind, I’ve been dealing with this need to do more, to commit further and deeper. To serve the men on the streets of Seattle who are selling themselves in prostitution to make ends meet; for the gay and lesbian youth who deal with such staggering rates of suicide, searching for just a small landing strip of dignity to call their own and Christians who feel that standing against that dignity is somehow “being tough on sin” — I got a million places to put my energy. But until now, I’ve been going to a certain point and stopping. Doing “what I can” has been most of what I can, but not everything I can.

I feel God calling for that everything and it horrifies me. But I also know the only thing scarier is ignoring this call.

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~ by WriterRand on May 22, 2008.

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