New Buggin’ Out Article: Love and Respect

And again, the man gots insight. Here’s a tease of the new article:

Every now and then, I have a recurring dream. It’s not a very holy dream, but I dream it nonetheless. In it, the Colombian singer Juanes appears at my door, shirtless and on his eleventh beer. He confesses that he came across my writings and, through them, has developed a man-crush on me.& nbsp; Me… a 42 year-old, minivan-driving, dreamboat of an office manager from New Jersey. He then authoritatively grunts “I must have you, Robert”, journeys his hand to the back of my neck, and, with confident ownership, pulls me in closer to kiss me. It is always at this point where I awaken, with an unresolved outcome.

Because this dream never plays beyond his mouth coming to within a few millimeters of mine, I often speculate how, in real life, I would respond to this absolutely wonderful stroke of good fortune…I mean grueling test of faith. I have come up with three possible scenarios and cannot, in all truth, tell you which one would play out. It would all depend on the state of my spiritual health at the moment the doorbell rings.

 Scenario #1: I boldly turn my lips away from his, genteelly close the door, calmly call my accountability partner to report the temptation, virtuously pick up my Bible, and then peacefully enter into an intimate session of thanksgiving, knowing that I had once again put on the full armor of God and resisted sin.

 Scenario #2: Upon opening the door, I become stupefied by raw lust. Unable to pull myself together, I just stand there useless, with my shoulders arched forward, my tongue rolled out and a retarded gaze on my face, looking like a lobotomy patient, 12 hours post-operative. I then quiver a little, drool a lot, and break out in a horrible and spreading nervous rash. Juanes notices the rash, chivalrously hands me a napkin for the drool issue, loses interest in me, turns away and goes home, knowing in his heart that he will never again touch alcohol.

Scenario #3: I yank him into the house, draw the curtains, and make him forget he’s straight.

When I bring up “the Juanes dream” to friends, they typically mumble “whatever” to Scenario #1, nod in unanimous agreement at Scenario # 2, and, with eyebrows raised, smirk and say they wouldn’t put Scenario #3 past me. Who needs friends anyway?

So, why do I…why do WE…continue on this road less traveled if we are still very much homosexually attracted? Why aren’t we out picketing for gay rights and social reforms?

Go read the rest here.  Enjoy.  Tell him I sent you.


~ by WriterRand on May 21, 2009.

4 Responses to “New Buggin’ Out Article: Love and Respect”

  1. I have to admit that I found the beginning of this article to be a bit riske, but after I read through it, it made perfect sense. I agree that respect toward God is the most important form of respect and it must come before any other form.

  2. funny

  3. What an interesting twist.

  4. LMAO…..I love this!

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