DISCUSSION THREAD: The Dangers of Sexlessness

Haven’t written for a while on personal matters because…well…there haven’t been many that are relevant to this blog.  In fact, there have been very few sexual thoughts and feelings.  At all.  And therein lies what is becoming a problem.

As much as I would like to pretend that I am the civilized male and the bigger head rules the smaller one, I know that this assertion is not only untrue, but that I am one of the most testicularly-wired individuals I know.  Exercise?  Depends on my testosterone level.  Drive to complete a difficult mission?  Check the sack.  Confidence to overcome my crippling lack of self-worth and speak in public?  That spurt of adrenaline and self-confidence isn’t in the brain, but about three and a half feet lower.

So, in working to avoid situations wherein I am tempted/stimulated for thoughts and feelings I do not desire to have, I find my drive weakening.  These days, it takes an extraordinary-looking/acting man to catch my attention.  (It still happens, but at nowhere near the frequency.  It used to be, not too long ago, that a stiff breeze would set me off.)  But as the drive weakens, so does my resolve.  I ask myself constantly why do I not have the drive that I did in my 30’s to go into the gym and kick ass like I used to?  Well, I was able-bodied then, disabled now.  I’ve been beaten senseless every time I turn to do something and these days I am searching for the…well…let’s be honest here…searching for the sack to get up and get back to business.  I used to have the drive to be a high achiever and the pride in accomplishment.  I gave up an easy career in the legal field and moved to Microsoft because I wanted something that was so far over my head that I would have to swim hard just to keep caught up.

Now?  I’m a mellow guy, disabled, in poverty, and celebrating the fact that sexual impurity no longer rules my life; on the other hand, I mourn that fact somewhat.  I realize that my desire for sexual purity and holiness is caught up in that hormonal rush and while I may have success in this area, it has a price spread out through the rest of my life.  I don’t know that it hasn’t been worth it — for crying out loud, between this and the whole Mars Hill debaucle I have come to a realization of the grace of Christ to an amazing degree.  I rely on that love, that grace.  I want it and not my testosterone to be the thing that powers and provides forward, um, thrust.  How to do that, how to achieve the power and drive through that realization of merciful grace, I have only begun to meditate.

Am I crazy?  Does anyone else understand the connections here?

Thoughts?

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~ by WriterRand on January 2, 2010.

3 Responses to “DISCUSSION THREAD: The Dangers of Sexlessness”

  1. Certainly (replying to the connections thing, not the crazy query). I do not think it unreasonable that you may be, unintentionally or not, blocking your desire as you struggle with your attempts to block the progression of such desires toward acting out in what may be felt of as sinful actions. (See how cautious I am being since I have not had the time to review all your information, and I do not intend to inadvertently offend, if that can be avoided.) You may also be experiencing a much larger phase of a cycle within your sexuality than what you have encountered before, which may account for an extended time of sexlessness. Also to consider, given the brief mention of some of your personal qualities and traits, it is conceivable that you may be going through the onset of andropause, which would be early but not out of the realm of possibility.
    My prayer for you, as this new year begins, is that Jesus will send his Spirit to comfort you and keep you from despair, which you sound like you may be verging on (but what do I know really). God still has plans for you yet.
    (I worry about your reference to a Mars Hill debacle. I hope all is well with you and the church body. I know how it can sometimes be interesting at large churches, and the multi-site model is introducing further complications. Part of the joys of community, I suppose.)

  2. New member

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