Finding My Life Again

Matthew 16:25, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

I want what I want.  I want it now.  I’m one of those guys who thinks that instant gratification takes too long.

The struggle that I find myself wrestling with comes right down to this whole issue of saving my life and any chance of an intimate, deep, meaningful relationship…or making the sacrifice of that relationship for Jesus’s sake, trusting Him to make good on that promise of life.  Can a relationship with Jesus in this life be so meaningful and rich as to crowd out this desire?  It’s been a good relationship so far, full of rocky roads and pitfalls, but it’s gotten stronger as the years speed by.  But can it overcome that desire, that NEED to be held and to hold?

It’s times like this where I want to find some lone evangelical know-nothing who still spouts the whole “choice” in orientation nonsense and just pummel him into a soft, pulpy mass.

I’m comfortable, for now, in searching the scriptures for myself, thinking for myself, and asking my soul what it truly believes, free from the prejudices and muzzy thinking of the people who have come before me.  Ultimately, it is my decision about this life and this heart, and it is ultimately me who will stand before God’s throne, stammering like an idiot, trying to defend my choices.


~ by WriterRand on July 25, 2013.

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